Who are you to me – Roger Federer?

 It is not the day I wanted. It is definitely not the day Tennis wanted. I was getting prepared for this emotional turmoil already and I try processing it now, through all the amazing memories and lessons you have given me, Roger!

Today, the 15th  of Sep 2022, when you announce your retirement news, I see the tennis world cry, appreciate, and just feel thankful for all you have done for the sport and to your fans. There is one girl(?!) who is secretly thanking you for existing, just being there!

I am not here to write all that you have achieved, all those magnificent 20 Grand slams, the factual realization of how great you have been for the stunning career of the past 24 years. I am not here to talk about the ‘finesse’ in your play and body, grace in and out of the court, and beauty inside out. But I am here to talk about who ROGER FEDERER is to me, and what you have done as the greatest sporting icon!

Roger Federer was some new name when I was in school and you are that person who I hated to see taking down the then-greats Sampras, Agassi, and co. It took a while to get used to you, get used to the stunning points you won, the volleys, returns, and the beautiful one-handed backhand. It wasn’t long before I unconsciously became a complete admirer of you, as a person and a player. 

A quote says, ‘You become what you admire. I have admired and allured you deeply, fondly, and gladly for decades and I hope one day I’m at least a little of you.

While the internet and the tennis world explode with thank yous and farewells, it is my best try to explain what you mean to me, without sounding cliched or hyperbolic. 

Roger,

You are vulnerable, raw, and human! Your losses speak more than your wins, you never shun away from showing your real persona.

You are highly resilient and it spoke volumes. While resiliency is a major quality of any athlete, you made it more evident. You made me resilient, not only to watch you during your 0-40, 1-5, or 2 sets down scenarios; but also during my darkest days in life. Every depressed day got better watching something of you.

You introspect all the time – you know your weaknesses all and do not shy away from facing them.

You are expressive – you cry and make me cry, you smile, laugh, and carry a style. You are a living model of emotional honesty.

You work hard and smart immensely within you, to make things look easy. Those effortless slices, single-handed backhand, cross courts, and aces - all had a ton of effort at the back. You are yet another athlete proving how persistent hard work, grit, and determination are the only seeds for perfection and success.

You are a bundle of oxymorons, subtly aggressive when being gracious, killer game points amidst all those nasty unforced errors, incredible volleys to those misses at the net – An amazing perfectionist while also being insanely humane in everything you do! You are the epitome of being absolutely NORMAL when being the GREATEST of the GREATS!

You illuminate your competitors, make friendships with them, and hold true emotions for them. These unique sporting stories you alone have created will be spoken for eons. FEDAL has become my emotion and you made my transition from looking at RAFA as your aggressive competitor to your best man on and off the court. That is a journey that is never understood by my heart.

With you being all the above amazingly, my adult years were all like growing up with you. I made friends with your fans – we are a bunch of good old college mates who grew up with you. I have had wonderful friendships which spanned your ERA. You DEFINED my adulthood. It was never easy to be your fan, as I have suffered heartaches and tears from your losses and victories.

When the time came, it was the easiest decision to name my boy after you – Yes, he is named JADON ROGER 😊 I will be the happiest parent if my little ROGER turns out to be a grain of who you are!

It was not a month ago when I had dreamt of you talking to me and my little ROGER, and crying to me in a corner of a badminton court (??!lol). This is one of the most surreal emotions I have ever felt which failed to fade away for quite some time. I had to funnily tell a few of my friends about the dream and also added that I wish Jadon and I get adopted by you.

As I kept re-living these memories of you, came the day Sep 23, 2022, when you played your last professional game.

I witnessed an absolutely normal match you played with your buddy RAFAEL NADAL. I witnessed the warmth and depth of your friendship with him, for one last time. I saw your team and fans cheer for your play, one last time. I witnessed your last serve, last point, last ace, last error, last rally, and every last thing of your professional career. I witnessed your LAST LOSS!!!

I anxiously saw the amazing farewell you had with all the emotions. I witnessed you and Rafa holding hands sobbing like kids. I noticed Novak teary-eyed trying to comfort you. I saw the team exploding and appreciating the legend of the sport. I realized the tennis world just pausing, tearing up, getting heartbroken, and then getting back to senses to cheer for you. With emotions saw you hugging and kissing MIRKA, kids, and parents. I saw you beautifully in tears galore, normalizing a man being a package of emotions. I witnessed GREATNESS yet again, for the one last time – On a Tennis Court.

Oh man, Roger! What an amazing grace you have to turn all your rivals into companions, to have them on your retirement day, and to weep for you so that you don’t feel alone. If this night is not, what else would define your greatness?

Rog, you made it all look great and easy. There were so many downs than ups, injuries, and things that did not really go very well all those years. But in the end, you spoke emotionally of how you would want to live all over again. How I wish, I could learn to forget bitterness and look back to happiness and positivity alone.! A lesson from everything you do!

You, An icon of peRFection forever! You don’t run into my archives ever. You retiring from Tennis, is the end of an era, the end of one phase of my life. I consider this a chapter in my life – looking forward to starting another one and seeing you in another paradigm. You will always be a SUPERLATIVE emotion to me, by all means.

I am sure, social media and the algorithms will pull up all your videos and news. As I have never had a day in the past without seeing your videos, I will never have a day in the future to miss seeing you. I am glad to continue life’s journey and you always will be a reason to smile and get inspired.

THE MR. ROGER FEDERER! Thank you for existing, thank you for all the joy, pain, and lessons. Thank you for raising me up from my bad times. Thank you for being an amazing sport. Thank you for being a hell of an inspiration to me, SWISS MAESTRO.

YOU said, “Finally to the game of tennis - I love you and will never leave you!”

I say to YOU, “To the man of class - I love you and will never leave you!”  

The Conception

Breaking the indecisive fast(more than an year!!) , I am into blogging again. This time in a very different stature - 'Expectant Mom' :-).
Yes.. The miracle of life is striking me for the past 7 months. This blog is dedicated to my 'Little Angel/King' - the thought of which ______________ me!!! (Loss of Adjectives).
One could just experience happiness,thrill,clouds of emotions when she gets conceived. Here is my story of the past 7 months.
It was in the end of march, the doubt arised. Am I conceived??!! A little tensed phase till it gets confirmed with the doc. It was April,the 1st - 'Fool's Day!!', we had fixed an appointment with the doctor. My husband was very relaxed and with me were my parents, in-laws and Grandma. The day started afresh but I vommitted my breakfast(was vommiting many a time before that). But that couldnt confirm me. The scan was scheduled around 11.30 am. It was around 5 in the evening, we met the doctor with the scan reports. The Doc said - 'THE BABY IS 6 WEEKS OLD!!' Yippeeee.. I had tears.. My husband hugged me. We all were in boundless joy. My brother who was in his Malaysia had called me umpteen times till then to hear the news!! The scan report just showed a single lump which my father said is a girl(ha ha ha). My aunt was expecting twins - but unluck to her!! Its single. Finally - The fool's day doesn't fool me.

So expectations grew from everyside. I informed my friends,who were all very shocked and spell-bound to hear this from their most favourite friend(Its me). The next generation is due(I am the first to bear a child in my gang of friends)and expected date for the baby to get delivered is Nov18th. All my pals who were all born in november felt proud, betting that the baby would be born on thier bday!!
Times after that were crucial for me. I was experiencing heavy nausea,vomitting. For the first 4 months I was out of my senses. My granny was near me,cooking and looking after me. I ate nothing,slept everytime, felt giddy all the time.My husband was very supportive just looking after me in every concern a man would. My team helped me a lot,which just accepted my absence from work almost a day every week. I grew very weak,thin,pale but with 'a small
bulge in my tummy' (yes!! Paapa grew well - Doc said). I lost the contact of all my friends, who did call me frequently to keep in touch with my health status,but dropped the call unattended. My bro Borg returned from his onsite and everyday would feel my small belly to feel the marvellous kid growing inside.
All over. I stepped into the month of July. It is all over. My naughty brother Ram had bought me a fantastic book about pregnancy. I started reading that. Fascinated -What complex is the biological system?? Unexplained wonder on the creation of a life. My husband said - 'Paapa heart beat Kaekudhu!!' - He had heared the heartbeat of the foetus some time in the midnight while i had been sleeping. 'Lucky Father!!'. The grandfather was even more anxious. My
Dad had dreamt that I have a girl and its sitting near him in car to buy milk(ha ha ha).

Days continued sweeter than before.Everyone dreaming!! One fine day, I was working at office. I felt some twitch in my stomach. Ayoyoyo Amebiosis?? Diarrhoea??What would happen to my child?? I was thinking and soon lost in my work!! Then again the same jerk,again,again.. "This is something NEW!!! " Yes.. Pappa was kicking me very slightly. I could feel it. It was overwhelming. My teammate felt the first kick of my Kutty. I called my hubby,mom,bro,dad,aunt,uncle,friends. Everyone felt the chill of my happiess. I pinged my friend Ishu who was at my client site (now too!! :-( ) - told her! She badly missed feeling my stomach. My friendly brother Deepu told me - "Akka!! Note the dates. Keep writing what all u experience these days. Your baby will feel happy when you show it later!!". Sorry Deepu - I couldn't do that daily. This blog would solve the purpose - I hope da!!

On July 25th, I had my fifth month anomaly scan. This scan would report the birth defects the foetus would have. This would be the most sickening moment for every to-be-parents. Not losing hope, we stepped in the scan center. The doc moved some object over my tummy. We viewed our child!! It was moving. We felt its hearbeat,saw its spinalchord, its face, its feet,hands,legs, everything in black and white. It was just for 5 mins, then after I had him/her visuallly in my dream, sometimes Fair-cute,some times Dark-smart. But everytime as my KID!!
I had a chance to be with my mother for around 10 days. Mother's care is unique!! I was experiencing. Now I am missing her a lot,but soon I will be with her for my delivery.

Days passed - My kid played fooball,jumped,kicked,danced - It spilt out every emotion it could produce into me. I started my normal diet back. All time browsing sites for baby's growtn,FAQ's on pregnancy and all. There wre group mails of my friends just choosing their assumption of the gender of my child. I started cooking,all activities back. I am hale and healthy now. My kid is double the time than me. Its very brisk now. My Close friend Jeni visited me!
Cooked for me a day and returned with a kick from my child( Gift!!! ). Almost everyday,every min I feel him/her in me. I speak, I scold, I sing, I preach. I live with my child now. My husband bids a 'Good Morn!' 'Good night Paapa Kutty!' every day. He wakes it up every day. This feeling is heavenly.

I am approaching my third trimester. Still 89 days more. I am excited. I will be with my parents again for few months. But once delivered the baby is for all. But now its mine!! Exclusively mine!! This feel just chills me.
Unfortunate Males - I feel now. Females by nature are a weeker sex(I accept - fact!!) . Let we be, for this gracious, inexplicable feel and emotion!! Greatest miss to the ruling gender of this world. I pity the men around me.
I hope every thing turns good and I will deliver a hale and healthy baby. I just felt to share this happy period, every mother would have, to my deep and close soul mates(Frns).

Hope to blog you soon happpppppily about my KID!! My ANGEL!!

My Debut

Hi.. A nascent Blogger here...My first Attempt to blogging... Sitting idle and thinking of what to write, nothing comes to my mind.. Wat am i comfortable with? Titled to be 'My Debut' , should i start from the scratch??? And by the by, where to start????!!!!

Okay... I start with the most pondering and cognitive stuff... I am always dubious about agreeing to the plethoric view of the supernatural so-called God(may be Religion).. I know, this is a not-to-be-touched topic,i jus need help from people around me.. I do accept His presence,but???!!!! Is God a self-bound restriction by man? to defend himself?
Should a human get naturally adopted to a religion? If God is one other thing on earth to illume man's path of life, are there not ture living souls to do that?

With an iota of acceptance to all the above.........,
If so God is a must, Should there be customs,traditions?

If this religion,brings out theistic differences among people, should that be taken as a mandatory thing in life??? This topic is far beyond consensus. Me at the age of 23, many may feel this to be a unwanted Debut(!!), but am i an atheist?

Starting this first blog with GOD, am i a STRONG polytheist??? Though i feel this to be quite controversial,should i ve this terrrrrrrrrrrifying start???

Life is full of thrills.. I start my blogging with a thrill... M brave,right?? ha ha ha.. come on friends.. comment on this..